Monday, May 21, 2012

My Birth Story: Not what I planned


This post is going to get lengthy, so for those who would prefer not to read all the details here's the quick version.

I had a birth plan.
All-natural, non-medicated.
That didn't happen... at all.
I had an emergency c-section.
I was really sad and scared and angry.
I am at peace with it now.
I have a beautiful baby girl.
It was perfect.

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First of all, let me premise this with saying that I was a BIG advocate for an all-natural birth (and still am, if that's what you choose). I studied books, took classes, watched movies and knew all the reasons why any other way was not a good idea. I was excited to experience the sensations, the pain, the intense emotions that would come along with it. I was looking forward to her emerging from the birth canal and going directly to my arms with the umbilical cord still pumping. I had visualized it, faced my fears and I was ready!

I was 41 weeks along when Tanner and I went to the clinic for our regular check up. Since I was late they did an ultrasound and a Non-Stress Test to check on the baby. During the ultrasound they noted that my amniotic fluid was at 6.5 (5 is risky low, 10 is where you want it) so that was concerning. (But come to find out, those readings are variable depending on where the baby is located, so it wasn't too much of a concern.) During the 45 minute NST (where they do external monitoring of the baby's heart rate) I had one minor contraction and the baby's heart rate dropped from 135 BPM to 60 BPM for 40 seconds. This was definitely a concern. It never happened again, but the midwife suggested we go to the hospital to do a 3-hour NST to see if it happened again. The midwife also suggested that I may need to get induced if it looked like the baby was in danger. This was the first clue my plan was going to change. At this point I was dilated to a "fingertip" - less than a 1 - not so good.

Before we went to the hospital we went home so I could shower and get ready. While I was in the shower I started crying and praying and talking to the baby. The idea of getting induced led my mind in all sorts of directions - will I have to get Pitocin, an Epidural, will it end in a C-Section? How long will I be in labor? Why can't she just come naturally? What's wrong with my body? 

Amongst my tears I looked down at my belly and said, "Baby, you can come however you want!" And then looked up at Heaven and said, "Heavenly Father, I have done everything I know how to prepare for a natural birth, but now I turn it over to you. Help me to trust thy way." It was at the moment I felt the Spirit say in my heart, "It's not going to be what you planned." But I was still hopeful. And to show my trust in God I packed all my things and we headed to the hospital. At this point we thought we were just going for a check up, not to have a baby. When we walked inside the hospital doors I asked Tanner what he thought the likelihood was that we walked out with our baby. He said 6%. I said 10.
Just relaxin' during the Non-Stress Test

So for the next 3 hours the monitors sat on my belly and nothing happened - except for a numb bum. I had a few contractions but her HR maintained a normal rate. We thought we were about to go home and wait, until the doctor came in. Up to this point I had only been meeting with the midwives so I thought it was kind of fun to see a doctor (that feeling quickly vanished once he opened his mouth). 

He sat down and after reviewing the situation said, "Well, you just have to ask yourself how comfortable you are with a stillborn."

....What?! Excuse me??? Um.... let me see.... NOT comfortable. Is that the answer you were looking for, idiot?

I get where he is coming from, but there are so many better ways to say what he was trying to say. But whatever, I guess it was the scare we needed, because as soon as he left I burst into tears. He said, "If you were my wife, I wouldn't let you get off that monitor until the baby was born." I was really, really scared. The sweet midwife came back and apologized for his behavior. She felt he overreacted and said that she felt parents always know best, and we should follow our intuition. I appreciated the empowerment she gave us. She gave us the option to come back a little later that night and start a mild induction with the use of a prostaglandin (a pill inserted in the vagina to soften the cervix and start dilation) or forgo the induction and come back on Friday for another exam. 

Tanner and I sat in the room and for about 45 minutes went back and forth on what to do. We prayed, Tanner thought of all the logical reasons to do it and not to do it. I prayed. And finally we decided that we would do the induction. We both felt that if we waited we would be right back at the same place having to make the same decision on Friday. And the thought of getting induced brought peace to our minds, even though it was so far off from our plans. But we trusted and decided to move forward.

So we went home, unloaded the dishwasher, got Tanner's stuff and then headed to a nice dinner (the last one with just the 2 of us) and then went for a short walk up the canyon. And then took a leisurely drive to check in at the hospital. (Not the kind of the drive I expected.)

We arrived at the hospital at 9:30PM and they administered the first pill about 10:30PM and did 2 more doses over the course of the night. 

At the hospital
How I really felt about it.
Getting settled for a good night's sleep... ha.

I didn't get much sleep that night. I was up all night worrying about what would happen. I kept hoping the medicine wouldn't work and they would send us home in the morning and we would come back when my body was naturally laboring. I read my scriptures, prayed, wrote in my journal. I asked for faith and trust in this process and whatever would end up happening. I hoped things would speed up and provide for a natural birth, but deep down I had the thought, "I'm going to end up getting a c-section." I was trying not to focus on that and to stay positive, but I just felt it. I told Tanner and even bet him $10 that's what would happen. He said, "That's a terrible bet." I know - I should have raised the stakes to at least $100. :)

I got my last dose of the prostaglandin at about 4:30AM and when I woke up at 7AM to go the bathroom my and water broke! I was so excited - things were progressing! Tanner and I said, "We're having a baby today!" And we both felt she'd come about 3PM - parent's intuition, I guess. The midwife came in and I had dilated to 2 cm - still small, but progress. She laughed too because there was way more than the 6.5 fluid the ultrasound had measured. 

I called my Doula and she arrived at 9AM just when my contractions started to increase in intensity. And she started to work her magic! I highly recommend a doula to anyone having a baby! She had all sorts of little tricks that would ease the pain of the contractions. Who knew pressing right below my knee cap would be just what I needed?

Two hours later (about 11:30AM) the midwife did a vaginal exam and the I was still at 2 cm , 90% effaced and the baby was dropped to a plus 2, which she was super surprised by. She said that usually the baby dropping is the last thing to happen. So that was encouraging. To help speed things up she suggested we do a Foley Balloon to help stretch my cervix. It's a little device they put up the vagina and then blow it up slightly to help stretch. So I agreed to do that and after about 15 minutes of poking and prodding it was in. 

And then... the sweet nurse said, "Um, Jennifer...(the midwife)..." and pointed to the monitor and then about 10 other nurses rushed in the room, slapped some oxygen on my face, plugged an IV in my arm, pulled up my robe and shaved me. One nurse was on the computer typing away frantically, the other nurse was rubbing my arm, saying "It's okay." All the while I have no idea what is going on other than I can see my baby's heart rate has dropped to 60 BPM again. Jennifer is frantically trying to get the foley balloon out of me and another nurse is on the pager yelling, "We need a doctor in room 6 immediately!" "Prepare the OR room." I look up and Tanner is staring at all the commotion just as confused as I am. I try to say, "What's going on?!" But nobody answers.

And then everyone relaxes... her heart rate stabilizes as soon as the balloon is out. 

After this they put internal monitoring in me which limits my mobility and makes me so sick of people sticking their fingers up me! My contractions are getting more intense - to the point where I am moaning and groaning and using the oxygen left behind from the scare to help me through each one. I sit on the birthing ball for a little bit and that is nice. My doula continues to rub my back to help ease the pain. 

Another 2 hours pass (1:30PM) and after determining that my contractions although increasing in intensity are irregular the midwife suggests we do some Pitocin to help start a regular pattern that will help my cervix dilate. Now this one was really hard for me. I had read and heard so many negative things about Pitocin that I really wanted to avoid it. I knew that if I did the Pitocin I would probably end up doing an epidural too because the contractions would be so intense. Both things I was so strongly against. I told the nurse I wanted to wait another 30 minutes before administering the Pitocin and although nothing would probably change in such a short time, she honored my request.

In the meantime, Tanner called my mom and asked her opinion about what to do. She felt that I should do the Pitocin, reminding us that with all 4 kids she had to be induced and my sister Jenny too, had to be induced (and then later had to get a c-section because failure to progress). I guess us Tuttle girls just like being pregnant a little too much! 

I was still against doing it, but after Tanner and I discussed it he said we should just do whatever the midwife suggests - that's why we chose her, we've already had to make too many decisions and it's wearing us thin, let's just trust that they are doing what's best for us. So we decided to do the Pitocin. By this point I was so sad and frustrated that nothing was going according to my plan that I just didn't care anymore and I was ready to get the epidural shortly afterwards. "To Hell with it all." I thought.  (You can get away with a few swears when you're in labor.) I was bitter and resentful.

After the 30 minutes I requested had passed, the midwife returned and she asked what was on my mind and I was really honest with her. Embarassingly I told her, "I just keep thinking I'm going to end up getting a C-Section." "No." She gasped. "Don't think like that!" I know. I'm not trying to be negative, I just have that feeling. I kept thinking of my sister Jenny and how she ended up getting a c-section. Does it run in the family? But my mom didn't get them and she was induced. My mind was so overwhelmed with all the thoughts and possibilities and trying to stay focused and then the pain of the contractions - I was not having fun.

Before we started the Pitocin the midwife did one more vaginal exam and unfortunately I had actually gotten a little tighter and the baby had receded - a baby by 3PM didn't seem so likely anymore. You think my body was a little stressed?! Okay, whatever, give me the damn Pitocin.

While we were waiting for the Pitocin to arrive the midwife wanted to show me a position that would help decrease the pain of a contraction. So she had me sit straight up in my bed with my knees bent and my heels by my bum and then she pressed really hard on my knees. It felt okay, there was some pressure down in my groin area when she did it, so she tried again and then the sweet nurse said, "Um... Jennifer..." And BAM...

Once again, 10 nurses rush in, slap on the oxygen, the IV is already in, lay back my bed, put me on my side, pull off my necklaces, the doctor rushes in, the midwife sticks her finger up me, "The baby isn't responding..." "Get the OR ready!" "It already is." "The baby's not responding..." Heart rate is still low... And then it happens...

"We're going to rush you to do an emergency C-section." (As they were wheeling me out, I told Tanner he owed me $10. He didn't laugh.)

And then I lost it.

"Why?!" "It wasn't supposed to happen this way."I cried aloud. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." I was so frustrated that all my efforts - all those months of planning, visualizing, facing my fears, reading books, demonizing pitocin, epidurals and c-sections as wrong and invasive had all ended up at this point. And then I realized they never said the baby was okay. And my attention quickly turned from me to the baby. I grabbed my belly and cried, "Come on baby, stay with me. You can make it. Come on baby! Please."

The overhead lights rushed by as they wheeled me down the hall and into the Operation Room and then hoisted me onto the bed, stretched out my arms, and put on one of those nasty hair caps I never wanted to wear while giving birth.

They were rushing quickly trying to get the baby to stabilize and finally she did! Which was so fabulous because then they didn't have to rush through the procedure. Tanner came in and he was crying too. That's when I felt stronger, "Don't cry. It's okay. It's all perfect. This is how it's meant to be." It made me sad to see him scared and crying. Tanner doesn't get emotional very often.

Because the baby was doing okay they were able to do a spinal block and didn't have to put me out completely. They turned me to my side and shot the needle down my back right on cue with a contraction and I said... "This is awesome." It wasn't. Then it all went numb. 

The doctor told me when he was going to start and I was so scared about the thought of them cutting me open I started to cry again and I told Tanner to distract me, but he didn't know what to talk about so we sang hymns. First, "I am a Child of God" and then "A Child's Prayer". I could feel tugging and then I felt a big emptiness as they pulled out the baby. Tanner peaked over the curtain and said, "Our baby! She's here!" She was born at 3:05PM - parent's intuition for sure.

Not sure what's what, but that is her bum.
You wanted to see that right?

And then I realized, "Hey, I can't see her." I yelled out, "I love you, baby. Mommy is here for you. Daddy is with you. I love you." I felt sorry I couldn't hold her on my skin immediately, I didn't want her to feel lonely or abandoned. I was so glad Tanner was there with her to keep her safe. 

A little bit of a cone head, but it went away quickly. 


After they cleaned her up Tanner brought her over to me and she was so tiny and sweet and beautiful and healthy, and I was happy. 

My first look at my sweet baby girl.
The Happy Family

When they opened me up they identified the problem - her head was so far down the birth canal and the umbilical cord was right next to her ear and draped around her neck that any pressure or wrong position would tighten it and cut off the oxygen thus resulting in a lower heart rate. 

They stitched me up which took about 45 minutes and then they had to monitor me for another hour before I could hold and feed my baby. Tanner and I did FaceTime so I was able to see her get bathed which was fun and by that point I decided I got to be with her for 41 weeks, now it's daddy's turn.

Finally they wheeled me down and I was able to hold my sweet baby girl for the first time. It was a surreal experience - this is my child?! She felt so peaceful, so safe, so warm.


Mama and Baby

I didn't feel a huge blast of immediate love like I thought I might - and now that she's 12 days old I realize the love comes and grows more and more each day as I am with her and get to know her and care for her. But I did feel an immediate deep connection to her and I wanted to love and protect her and do everything right for her.

My body was wiped out. I was tired physically and more so emotionally.

Friends and family came to visit and asked me about my experience, I had a few more tears surface in sharing the story, but overall I was just thankful it all ended well. I had heard people say before, "It doesn't matter how your baby gets here, as long as she's safe and healthy." I disagreed with that before. I thought it did matter how your baby got here and I had the perfect plan to get my baby here. But now, it's true, it really doesn't matter. And there's no right or wrong way, just different ways and they're all perfect.

The day after Katie's arrival my mom was visiting me and we had a conversation that helped me come to peace with this whole experience for good. We determined Katie is a Type 3 (active, reactive, intense, passionate) and she was teasing me saying, "Katie was in the birth canal saying 'There has got to be a faster way to get out of here.' and so she was probably tugging on the umbilical cord just to get things moving." Her birth certainly was a Type 3 intense, everybody-on-their-feet kind of experience. She moved everyone into action and didn't even follow the plan! I was able to laugh about it and realized that it really was the perfect birth experience for my sweet baby.

Sweet Baby Katie.

The reason I was so passionate about a natural birth was because I wanted to do the best thing for my baby and I thought that was only the way. Well, turns out it isn't. My labor and delivery story is not the story I expected to tell, but it was perfect and I am grateful for it.

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It's been almost 2 weeks since my c-section and I have been tempted to ask "Why did it happen this way?" "What would have happened if we had just waited?" "Did we do the right thing?" But I have to stop myself and reflect on the feelings Tanner and I both had when we made the decision to be induced. There was no denying the sweet peace and relief we felt when we made up our minds to move in that direction. And anything that happened after that we trust was all part of the grander plan. And that is how I have come to peace with it all. I trust in God, I know His way is better than mine. Even though I may not see it or understand, I just have to trust the little feelings I get along the way. And that is what I did, so I know we did the right thing.

I am healing quickly. We stayed in the hospital for 4 days and I was treated like a queen. I love the staff at American Fork Hospital. (The food is another story...) They are all so kind and attentive. The doctor said walking usually is hard, but I was up and walking around after 5 days, slowly, but nonetheless, walking. I am feeling really good today, almost at full strength. My incision is healing quickly, I am able to carry Katie and walk around. I still need plenty of rest - but what new parent doesn't?

Daddy's Little Girl
Love this picture!
Salmon, carrots and broccoli 4 days straight.
The "best" thing on the menu.
Happy to be heading home, well 2 of us are.

My sister and I were listing all the benefits of having a c-section versus a vaginal birth and we had a good laugh - count your blessings, right?! It's all perfect and I am so grateful for a healthy and happy baby. I will be introducing her here shortly!

49 comments:

  1. I'm happy for you guys that Katie is alive and well! I hope you heal quickly and have much love and comfort surrounding you. :)

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  2. Anne, I had the same problem with my second child. I had to be induced and then it turned out that the cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times. I, too, didn't want a c-section, but I was very thankful that he was okay. A healthy baby is best, no matter how they get here.

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  3. Thank you so much for sharing that, Anne! Made me bawl like a baby ( :) ) and was a cathartic reminder for me that no matter how informed and wise and good-hearted our intentions are, the Lord has His plans, and they are even better. Bless you and that sweet, beautiful little girl of yours!

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  4. love your honesty anne, you and i both hate hate hate it when things don't go the way we envision them!!! lol but i'm so glad sweet katie is here and i can't wait to watch her grow up! love you guys!

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  5. Congratulations and thank you for sharing your story. Katie is beautiful!!

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  6. Im sorry it didnt go the way you planned but Im sure glad little Katie and you are alive and doing well! Thank you for sharing your story and pictures! God bless your sweet family with much love, peace, laughter and the blessing of His presence every day!

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  7. OH MY GOSH ANNE!!!!! THANK YOU for sharing this with us :) I am so happy that all ended up well AND that your baby is HERE, GOOD, and HEALTHY :)

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  8. What a miracle! It must be the T2 in me - I got a tiny bit teary-eyes reading it/seeing pictures (well except for the actual delivery photos - me being squeamish and all) but what an amazing story - Your story. Her story. A perfect story.

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  9. This was like a Preview of coming attractions…..Raising children doesn't go as planned until they are all raised and you look back and think that each of them are perfect and it all went just how you planned it! YOU just didn't realize it! Unfortunately, this won't be the first time Katie does things her own way despite your best efforts. Congratulations, she is beautiful!

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  10. Thank you for sharing. The photos are an amazings story. I totally understand why you would want a natural birth and you totally have the right to mourn the loss of the birth you wanted. Our medical system regarding birth is screwed up and so is the laws and definition of post-dates. I admire you for pursuing all the details and having a midwife and doula. May T3 Katie bring you many blessings! And also I hope you can experience the healing benefits of breastfeed as you bond (and experience all the other miracles of breastmilk)!




    Denise Punger

    T3/2

    permissiontomother.com

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  11. What a GREAT story. I love your mom's take on it all. OF COURSE Katie was going to make a Type 3 grand entrance! Very sweet!

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  12. They come when they come!!! That is for sure. You did a good job and saved Katie's life in the process. Just like Jesus has scars to help us return to our heavenly home, mothers have scars that help our children come to our earthy homes. We are creators!!!

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  13. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Anne. I bawled! That was so beautiful and perfect, even though it wasn't planned or expected. I really like your comment too, Carrie. So true about Jesus and Mothers. Katie Claire is beautiful. My baby (she is 4 yrs old)is a Type 3, too. I LOVE having a Type 3 daughter; she is absolutely wonderful! I love that she was born with confidence in who she is. She is very well behaved, and great at moving people into action :)! Much love to you, Anne, and thank you again for sharing your story with us!
    Jolene

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  14. oh anne,
    i know every ounce of every feeling you had. sounds just like my type 3 tanners birth story. calling everyone into action. so demanding... lol! i'm so grateful that you shared your story. i've been checking your blog and thinking about you everyday. katie is beautiful! i can't wait to see those little type 3 booties on her ;) loves and kisses to the three of you.
    xoxo sarah baldwin

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  15. Wow Anne, thank you so much for sharing your story so openly and honestly sweetheart, Katie is absolutely beautiful!! Congratulations to you and Tanner and a big hug and kiss to all three of you xoxoxo

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  16. Anne, your story was truly touching. (And funny, glad to know your not perfect and were able to let a few "farm words" fly while in labor!) Your such an example of strength, and having such faith to put everything in the Lord's hands. I know how it is to have a plan... we think a lot alike! It's hard when the plan doesn't work, but she's safe and ADORABLE! My little type 3 daughter's birth was the FASTEST of all my births, and I screamed the most, and when she was being tested in the nursery, SHE screamed the LOUDEST! Have fun with her, she will make life an adventure for you... you'll never be bored:-)
    Thanks for sharing your story in such detail, it moved me, and made me cry. What a sweet husband you have to be so concerned over his baby, she's going to be a daddy's girl. And so sweet of him to sing hymn's with you. What strong faith you both have... glad to know who you are and that I am able to learn from you:-)Your going to be an awesome mom!

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  17. congrats! i'm happy everything worked out. i, as many of your readers, cried reading your post. maybe it's my new baby and the sleepless nights. and maybe it's that i can relate. i didn't have a c-section and on my last push the cord went tight around my little logan's neck. the nurse was washing him up on my chest and then with one hand, handed him off to another nurse and said, "this baby is limp." they tried getting the oxygen tank in the room to work and it wouldn't (scary) so, 10 nurses and doctors combined rushed him to the NICU). i didn't see him for 2+ hours. it felt like DAYS! be very grateful for your c-section. it's true, they come in all sorts of ways.

    i had both my kids at american fork hospital as well. love those nurses!!!

    enjoy your little one...she'll grow fast!

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  18. Anne, you are amazing! Im grateful you shared your experience. It was very emotional for me to read since I know you and tanner and how you wanted things to go. I'm so glad you are healing quickly and Katie is so beautiful! Congrats!! Miss you.

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  19. Wow, I cried! What an intense experience! I am so glad that you both are okay, and now doing well! Congratulations! Loved reading all the details of this story and I love that you are so honest with it all!

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  20. Congratulations on your sweet Katie. I know first hand how frustrating it is for things to not go as planned and to be out of your hands (in in God's, or the doctor's, nurses etc...) My first baby Emma also had to be induced with pitocin because my water had been broken for several hours and I was not in labor or dillated at all. The pitocin made the contractions intense and irregular so I had a pain killer and then dillated so fast I didn't get an epidural at all and labored naturally for a couple of hours with little to no progress -- so I too ended up having an emergency C-section. I know that the doctor's words about still birth were scary and insensitive, but my second child was stillborn and I so wish that we had had some indication that there was a problem. I had had a perfectly normal second pregnancy but it turned out his cord had a knot in it which was totally undetected -- so sometimes horrible things do happen and all the emergency procedures are needed. Best of luck to you both and welcome Katie.
    ~Beth (Type 4/2)

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  21. Anne, so sorry it didn't go as planned. Katie is beautiful and you look great! Can't wait to meet her.

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  22. First, let me say thank you for sharing your birth experience. I had a similar one many years ago. Yes, things don't always go according to our plans. God is in control and he does think outside the box.

    Congratulations to you both as I am sure Katie will have the best parents on the planet. Life is about to get so wonderful and so trying all at the same time. Raising a child is very, very hard. You worry about everything, but you eventually know what to do. Katie is in good hands!

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  23. I have been keeping tabs on your blog waiting for her birth story, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.
    I am so glad to she is here and is healthy! I learned the same lesson when I was pregnant with my first and I ended up having a C-section and wasn't able to nurse him. I am so glad you were able to come to terms with making a detour in your plans.And I am happy you are feeling pretty good!

    Take Care Anne,I am sure you are enjoying your little miss katie!

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  24. What a beautiful baby girl, your little Katie is. Such a blessing. Anne, thank you for sharing your story. Even though I gasped and cried and clutched my heart while I read it (we mothers can so closely relate...), it is heart-warming to know that Katie is here, she is healthy, and so are you. Sometimes (as Type 2's!) we get stuck in our plan --- after all, we've done all the research! --- so I'm so happy you were able to surrender and allow your little girl to arrive in the healthiest way for her (and you). You are blessed to have each other, & Tanner, too. Cherish your little on; cherish your experience. Know that your birthing experience was a perfect intro to parenting --- we PLAN for the best and in the end, we DO the best for the situation. Stay open to possibilities along the way... You are a beautiful family; love to all. Sharon (a fellow Type 2 mom whose experience didn't go quite as planned either!)

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    1. meant to say, "Cherish your little one"

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  25. Thanks for posting this, Anne. It made me cry to read through your story, even after hearing about it once already. You are such a strong woman, and a perfect mother to your sweet baby Katie! I'm so glad everything turned out well.

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  26. Thank you Anne. I am still crying... what a beautiful story! How interesting and incredible! So amazing that it really did turn out in such a T3 way!!! Thank you guys for being so amazing and for sharing your real life stuff. I have learned a lot from your experience, and I feel that as I reflect on it I will learn more... None of my children's birth experiences have turned out the way I hoped or planned. I had come to a sense of peace about them, but your experience has helped me in some really special new ways... Makes me excited in a whole new way for the birth of our next child, whenever that will be.

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  27. Your story is almost identical to my daughter's story. When things don't go as we planned, we go with the new plan!

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  28. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story of your little Katie's grand entrance. So proud of you for trusting yourself and allowing the process to unfold, no matter how painful it was for you. What a gift for you all to be so honest and willing to admit and face hard things with such grace. You are all so amazing! Enjoy these precious days, there is nothing so sweet as having a newborn in the house!

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  29. Congratulations to you, Tanner and little Katie! You are such a brave girl, Anne! I am so happy Katie is well and I can just picture the three of you enjoying your life together! :) You are such a lovely family! Enjoy!

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  30. Thank you Anne for sharing that story. My favorite was when you said to HF, that it can be done his way. And when your Mom teased about her pulling on her cord!
    I love AF hospital! 6 out of 7 of my children were born there. They are AMAZING!!! Congrats!

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  31. Thanks so much for posting your story. She is beautiful and fun! It was a great comfort for me to read. My baby arrived last Monday and I had a very similar situation. We had to do an emergency c-section when my water broke, but he really was determined to come out feet first. I did have to go all the way under and was heart broken. I think my little guy is also a Type 3 and was determined to have his own birth experience (not the similar, beautifully fulfilling experiences I had with his siblings). I've come to peace with the experience too, but afraid of ever having to go through it again. Reading yours did help me realize that it's not a wrong way. Sometimes it's just how things have to be.
    I absolutely love the picture of you seeing her for the first time! You look absolutely radiant.

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  32. Love & Light to you, Brown family. What a journey you experienced together. I am so glad that all is well, and it sounds like it's getting better every day. My thoughts were with you in anticipation of your daughter's arrival. Congratulations. Wishing you all some uninterrupted healing sleep!
    ~Deborah

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  33. As a T1 doula, I felt I was there with you the whole time as you told your story Anne. Such a great tale to tell that peanut as she grows! I was able to attend my daughter's birth at our home just a couple weeks before you delivered, and though she was able to stay home, she also didn't have the birth she envisioned....and my wee granddaughter showed her type with her birth too. LONG, SLOW, and INTENSE. We think she's a T2/4, just didn't want to come out of her comfy cocoon :) I hope knowing very few women (at least those I've attended) end up with a youtube perfect birth, even at home. Especially first time mamas. You definitely did was was best for your T3 lioness! You rocked it Anne, you really did!

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  34. Congratulations, to you both on the safe arrival of your beautiful little daughter, Katie.
    Thank you, Anne, for sharing your story of heartache, bravery, and joy. Just beautiful! I praise God for you.
    My niece is expecting twins and I was doing a web search the other day and I come across 2 interesting things that I just want to pass on to young mums.
    The 1st is baby sign language where little ones can communicate with you.
    The 2nd thing is called the 'Baby Dunstan Language'. I have seen it on Youtube...on Ophar and on 60minutes (Aussie version) and just listening to it, it has changed parents lives...amazing. If you are interested here is the website
    http://www.dunstanbaby.com/
    I look forward to seeing your adventures as you blog them.
    With care and prayer

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  35. Thank you for sharing! I don't know you (I came over from Carol's blog) but I want to extend my congratulations. I'm glad everybody is doing well. Like you, my all-natural birth plan went totally awry with a Type 3 baby, but in the end, it just made me more grateful to live in this day and age, in a developed nation, with access to advanced medical technology and skilled doctors. We are truly blessed!

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  36. God bless your beautiful family! She is gorgeous! I had a similar experience... wanted the natural birth, walked every day of my pregnancy rain or shine and said this baby is just gonna slip out! He was 2 1/2 weeks late and I had to be induced and the same. I was so sad and upset. After 24 hours of labor and he went into fetal distress and had to have a c-section, turned out he was 9 lbs, 12 oz and he ended up in baby intensive care for almost a week! He is now 24 and just got his masters in engineering and has been an awesome kid and I am so blessed. I decided to just do the second csection with his sister instead of going through both experiences and the recovery was so much quicker with her (probably not doing regular and csection)... So I am happy for you and have learned that God has other plans for our plans sometimes for whatever reasons.

    Welcome to your new baby girl and blessings to your whole family including Grandma Carol : )

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  37. Congrats Anne! You have a beautiful baby. I just wanted you to know that although I didn't have a c-section, I also wanted to have natural(as much as possible) birthing for my babies. I had 4 babies and none of them came without awful pitocin and an epidural. With my last baby I was in tears doing that dang stress test and she didn't come for a week after her due date. Reading about your experience has given me reminding inspiration in knowing that we can't control everything and even if others might get our perfect experience, we can be grateful for our own special experience. We all are blessed with our own experience(even if we feel cursed at the time) and just wanted you to know that many people understand how you feel. Our plans don't always turn out the way we plan but that is because there is a better plan from our Heavenly Father which we may not always understand but I can see your Faith is already strong, and that is what I believe it takes. Yay for your whole family! Enjoy your family!

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  38. My first child didn't come as planned either. I now have three beautiful teenagers (type 4, type 1 and one I can't seem to figure out) and every one of them came into this world in their own unique way. Congratulation and may God bless you and your beautiful family.

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  39. Congratulations, she is beautiful. :))

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  40. I just read this and cried. I had a very similar experience with my first born, although we were able to avoid the c section (which maybe now I'm sad about because you put such a positive spin on it;)). He will be 17 on the 4 th of July. I can't hardly stand it. It seems like yesterday I was in your very familiar shoes. Enjoy every minute!!!!! It goes so fast. Congrats. She is a beauty.

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  42. THanks for sharing! We have just about the same story! I soo understand how you felt, the thoughts you shared were just about the same as mine.
    I'm a type 2 and my first 2 children were born at home. They were amazing births. My 3rd child was almost an emergency csection, the baby had tied her cord in a knot and her heart rate was dropping when she moved. We were able to stabilize her heart rate and didn't have to rush through the csection , although it was starting that way. It was scary to be told a csection was necessary when we thought we would leave the hospital that night without have the baby yet. But early that morning our type 3 baby was born.
    My last baby who is now 9 months didn't let me have a birth I was planning on either. I was going to do a VBAC at home and things were not happening like they should. My husband gave me a blessing and we both knew immediately that we had to have her at the hospital (Although deep down I had known this for months)
    Grateful to have the hospitals when they are needed, I avoid them as much as possible, but I'm grateful to have all my babies arrive safely.
    Congratulations on your sweet baby girl and that you were taken care of and that everything worked out for you. Thanks for sharing your experience-it brought back so many emotions and memories!

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  43. Hi Anne
    thanks so much for being you and for sharing you! I love how much you tried to have a natural birth, and how you were prepared to go the medical route when that seemed safer and then how you told the baby that she could be born however was right for her and that you accepted the c-section. Healthy Mom, healthy baby, that's not failure! And if it is, it's a good kind of failure. It's so wonderful when medicine and natural can combine to help people be alive, stay alive, and enjoy that life.
    I had many many challenging births and in my previous one I tapped the whole pregnancy through and envisioned and read, and in the end he was born healthy and easily but NOT safely ( ie at home). It was a dream birth for me, in terms of easier and calmer, but I keep reminding myself to add "Safe atmosphere" into my future mantras. It's so hard to take EVERYTHING into account, but safety must be foremost, for obvious reasons.
    It's sometimes hard to see how natural and safety can best combine, but they did for you and your baby, and I guess they do for every baby that survives, because natural also means that you can rewrite the script, or the stress of the script afterwards. My general aim is to increase both, not one at the expense of the other. Thank G-d for hospitals. Thank you for sharing. Thanks Katie for showing us that safety is paramount and doctors and hospitals and c-sections and fetal monitors are not evil.

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  44. This made me laugh: " put on one of those nasty hair caps I never wanted to wear while giving birth."

    I had a similar experience with my last baby (a 4/1). I went from natural/doula to medicated to emergency C-section. A little different in that our little chunker didn't respond right away after she was brought out and I don't remember as much as you did because of the exhaustion.

    So, yes, sometimes, the only thing keeping a baby from making their entrance into the world is our egos. :)

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  45. Hi there, just a random DYT fan reading your blog... :-p

    Your birth story is almost identical to my first birth, with the major difference that my daughter is a T2/4. You're absolutely right, though, that it was perfect for us. I had my all-natural, "best" birth plan and what ended up happening for my sweet, sensitive little girl was a rude awakening to life on earth. I'm so glad we both felt helpless and frustrated because it was the perfect beginning to what is a perfect relationship and has led us through all sorts of dysfunction so that we were both ready for living our truths before her 5th birthday.

    Today she told me in perfect detail the order of all the "types" within her and showed me--also in great detail--that she keeps all her "types" in her heart, unless she's not using them, in which case she several backup plans for the procedures to follow.

    Apparently, the girl's given it some thought. :)

    I'm so happy that everything ended so happily! If births weren't exciting, there wouldn't be much to celebrate, would there? :)

    -Cecily

    p.s. Oh, and by the way, it took me a full 6 months to feel like I had the full use of my body back. Two V-BACs later, I realize how much more tired the C-section made me than my natural deliveries. I wish I'd given my body more credit for all it was doing. Happiness to you all!

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  46. Thanks for sharing your story, I totally relate. I found this link as I was looking through your Mom's youtube videos. I had two csections, then two VBACs. Wishing you hope and healing! http://thegiftofgivinglife.com/joy-cometh-in-the-morning-a-vba2c-birth-story/

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  47. My first two were c-sections. My first was pit, then an epi, and then a c-section. My feelings were the same as yours. I'd cry when I'd read my friend's birth stories and wonder why mine couldn't have been an easy vaginal birth. I waited 12 days past my date with my second but she just wouldn't come so I had another section. With my third, I took Hypnobabies and I'm pretty sure I saw the same midwives you did. :) Jen Krebs was the midwife that I saw the most and she was amazing but Kathryn was the one who was there when I delivered. I even had the foley bulb too. I was able to have a vbac. I feel the same way about birth as you do and I hope, if it's something you want, that you can have a vbac someday too. So happy that everything worked out all right! :)

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  48. Reading your post I just get more and more convinced my daughter is a type 3 too. I was all for not too long with contractions and as comfy as possible. It turns out as a natural vaginal birth almost with no time to undress me. The midwife told my husband: "first child and delivery over so soon, next time you just come after the slightest discomfort or you just learn how to tend a delivery in a car"If I count the time since I got up at around midnight to go to the loo I can't come to more than five hours and the whole "business" was over. As I wrote, if I am generous it was just five hours, but were VERY INTENSIVE hours!.

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