Thursday, May 3, 2012

any day now...

My due date has come and gone - just by a few days, but the anticipation of Baby Girl's arrival is ever increasing.

I posted an update on Facebook that she hadn't arrived yet and everyone told me to "Hang in there." "She'll come at the perfect time." I know. And I'm not anxious. Well, okay... I just lied. I wasn't anxious yesterday when I posted that. I thought, "She can come when she wants and I'm fine with that." But this morning I was ready and rearing to get things moving! So I guess the words of advice did come in handy. (And I've tried all the self-inducing methods - clary sage, basil, blue cohosh, red raspberry tea, castor oil, acupressure, sex... still no baby.)

So here I am, still childless. Oh, well. She''ll come at the perfect time! As the days draw nearer I find myself pondering more and more frequently on what it will be like to have my very own child! My whole life I have anticipated and dreamed of this moment - becoming a mother. I played with dolls until I was 14 always and after I put away the dolls I started making plans for what I would be like as a mom.

I just can't wrap my head around it all - nor my heart. I know the love I have for my parents is going to quadruple the moment I meet my baby, because then I'll have an idea of how much they love me.

I love my baby girl, but I just don't know how much yet. I have heard women say that the moment the baby comes out you are enveloped in an immediate love for the baby. I am so excited to experience that, because honestly, I haven't yet and I can't really imagine what it will be like.

I wonder what she'll look like, how I will relate to her, if I will know what to do when she is crying, or if I'll even know how to hold her right. Wow, there are just so many things about being a parent that I don't even know yet!!! But how would I know, I've haven't been one yet!

So, a few kid-less days (hours?) remain for me and Tanner and I have been thinking about all the things that are about to change:

Sleeping in until noon on Sundays - or until 9 (or 8 or 7...) on any day most likely
"Quick" errands
An empty backseat
Speeding up at the yellow light
Not being able to drive in the carpool lane (definitely excited about this change!)
"Want to go to a movie?" "Okay!"
Undisturbed sleep
Walking by myself - a stroller will be in tow from now on
Ignoring the baby aisles at the grocery store
Doing what I want when I want
Only doing my laundry
Unoccupied rooms upstairs
Empty arms
Swearing (just kidding, she'll have to get used to that. just kidding!)

And that's just a short list of the many changes that are to come, I'm sure.

All good changes though. I had the thought today - this is why I am here on earth - to be a mother and to be part of an eternal family - wow! I'm so grateful God has entrusted me with this sweet baby girl and I am excited for the journey to begin. A little nervous, yes, but that's fine, she's maybe a little nervous too, but the 3 of us will figure it out and have a great time along the way!

See you soon Baby Girl!!!

11 comments:

  1. Ok, I did all those self-inducing things too, and just an fyi from my experience, and the conversations I've had with others who have done the cohosh with the red raspberry leaf tea- once you are in labor it can make it come hard and fast! Within 15 min. of labor beginning my contractions were 3 min. apart and about a min and a half each! best of luck to you Anne! My labor was hard and long ( I had chosen to go unmedicated) but wow being a mom is amazing! It's so fun!

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  2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on becoming a mother. You express yourself do well and your beautiful heart and mind are definitely ready and up for the adventure of motherhood. I'm so excited to meet her too!

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  3. Just try to enjoy what you have now because one day soon you will wish you could just get some sleep, among other things.

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  4. Sending loving and comforting thoughts and prayers your way! =D Much love and I look forward to hearing your beautiful birthing story. Those last few days of pregnancy are an interesting time... They feel SO challenging... I think it must be connected to the portal of heaven opening and we are expanding and contracting within our own soul... giving birth even before we actually give birth as we move through the process. I have learned SO much about myself as I have looked back on those days just before delivery... It's just as much a stretching and preparing process as the labor itself! God bless you Anne! Thank you for the wonderful woman you are!!!

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  5. Good luck Anne, Tanner and baby girl! She's just taking her time and wants to go at her own pace! Thank you so much for so openly sharing your pregnancy journey with us Anne. It's been great and even those of us who haven't met you in person (and live on the other side of the world!) are sending our love and prayers to you and can't wait to 'meet' your little girl :)

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  6. I remember back to when I was pregnant with my son (my first) I could never have imagined how he would change my life! I know you will experience ups and downa but you'll do good and become the kind of mom she needs you to be. Motherhood is all about shaping and changing and it might be hard sometimes but you will never experience so much joy in all your life. I am excited to hear about when she arrives!!

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  7. thanks for the update... i've been so excited for you to meet that sweet baby girl. tanner was two weeks late and with each day my anxiety grew. i felt like a time bomb! she WILL come at the perfect time. can't wait!!

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  8. It IS amazing- I'm a midwife and experienced 100s women giving birth, but still wasn't prepared for the complete and utter love I felt for my own newborn children. A tiny word of advice- something my mother said to me often: Don't forget you're a wife too, not "only" a mother. This means taking some time off and doing a few of the things you listed above again, just your man and you. After the first couple of months I embraced those wise words, and we're still happily! married after 24 years.
    All the best! PS Eating in peace- a heavenly luxury for many years :-)

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  9. It was a little more gradual for me when my baby was born as far as instant love. I certainly loved her,.. but the ownership that she was MY baby and overwhelming feelings of love came on a little more gradually as one by one my channels of support dropped away and it really was just me taking care of her,.. with Dan's help. Just the 3 of us struggling to figure out how to take care of each other. With #2 it was a little more instantaneous because some of that wonder and ownership happened while she was still in my tummy and I was more familiar with the movements and what they would look like on a real live baby when she came out So I connected earlier on with #2. All I can say is my love increases every day for my 2 sweet baby girls and I don't know how we ever lived life without them. I'm so excited for you Anne and if you haven't had her yet goodluck!

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  10. So excited for you to have your baby. Maybe she's already come, I don't know, but eating lots of gourmet black licorice started labor for me with my last two girls. Good luck! Can't wait to hear about it!

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  11. Such an exciting and special time waiting for your little miracle! Can't wait to hear all about it!

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