Tuesday, October 12, 2010

As promised, Type 2 feelings.

As promised on this blog video featured on thecarolblog.com, here are some more thoughts about the Type 2 feelings and thoughts processes.

I wrote this back in January 2010 on the Dressing Your Truth Type 2 Facebook Group. There was a lot of discussion from the other Type 2's. I hope you find it helpful.

(To get a quick background on what I am talking about when I say "Type" - click here.)

"I have been wanting to write a message on here for awhile and of course, in my Type 2 nature I have been taking my time planning what to say. I'm still not sure exactly what I want to focus on, but the last week or so I have some experiences that have helped me learn even more about my Type 2 nature....

The first one I want to talk about is the Type 2s and assuming. Our gift is to be sensitive - sensitive to details, sensitive to feelings and situations. This can be a great gift as it can give us insight on how to approach someone or a situation before they have even expressed their feelings. I have also learned that it can become a weakness - it turns into assuming. Now I guess the assuming is only bad when your assumption is totally wrong. Often as Type 2s we feel picked on, the victim and innocent from any wrong doing, but taken advantage of, so the assumptions often support that belief, that someone is out to get us or pick on us. Now of course this can be from varying degrees. I have learned that when you act in a certain way based on the "accuracy" of the assumption damage can be done. It is important to ask and find out what is really going on. This me we need to speak up and let our voice be heard. Express your feelings openly and directly.

Another thing I realized about my Type 2 nature - I like to cry. Just as a Type 3 might get intense, loud and passionate when dealt with contentiously or a Type 4 more bold, my natural reaction as a Type 2 is to cry. I remember when I was little and my mom found me doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing and she would get mad/reactive and I would burst into tears. She would then feel sorry for me because now I was the one crying. I hated it. I would think - I need to be tough, if I cry she will think I am just too sensitive and trying to make her feel sorry for me. Now it happens with my husband. If I upset him - I'm the one who ends up in tears. I have often tried to hold back my tears as to not hurt anyone or make anyone feel bad for me. But I have learned that holding back the tears doesn't do any good - it just leaves a lump in my throat. I am now realizing that it is my natural reaction to shed a few tears and that is okay, no one has to feel bad about that, it is just the way things go in my world.

I think every Type can be hard on themselves from time to time. For Type 2s we often have a hard time forgiving ourselves for mistakes have made and then moving on. If I ever upset or hurt someone's feelings, or do something I perceive as inappropriate I will feel so bad and stew over it for hours or days - depending on the damage done. I just wish I could go back and do it over again - or not do it at all. Sometimes it is even embarrassing to think about it. When we do something inappropriate we get really embarrassed and want to fade away. We take a little more time to heal from situations like this. We don't just bounce right back. I have learned that it is okay to take my time, but at some point I need to move on and to forgive myself. I have realized that it takes courage to do that. My tendency is to want to continue thinking about it and cry some more and ask my husband over and over again - Are you okay, are you sure? I am sorry, I am sorry. I feel like I can't move on until I am 110% sure everything is okay. And it may be, but I can't let go (this can be very unhealthy and lead to always feeling not good enough). I have found a great deal of comfort through prayer and meditation. That is where I find courage to say okay, it is over, everyone is okay and time to forget it and move on. And I feel in my HEART that really, truly everything is okay. It is my HEAD that is saying - things are still bad... - but my HEART knows and we are HEART people.

As you can probably tell, I have definitely had some experiences that last little bit to learn about myself! Be not dismayed, Type 2s are very happy, peaceful people - not mean cry babies. But relationships are a part of life and there will be a few upsets and tears along the way. I am so grateful for every opportunity to grow and learn about the way I live and move through life.

I hope you find this helpful and can relate. I would love to hear your comments. Please share."



I love understanding my true nature! Just in the last 2 years (really since being married) I have settled into myself. I understand more clearly my gifts and talents. I am more confident about the woman I am and what I bring to the world. I am so grateful for the information I have been given to better understand my true nature. 


To learn more about your true nature and find out what Type you are click here!

18 comments:

  1. Anne I am pretty sure I married a Type 2 with a secondary 4. He has a porn addiction that he hid from me for 4 1/2 years. He told me this February and we went to couples counseling and were talking and making progress but he is a med student and is now rotating in the hospital around 60-80 hours a week. I thought we had gotten over the question of wither or not we would stay married and work it out but this week he told me he still isn't sure what will make him happy and if he wants to be married to me. I am a Type 1 with a secondary 3 and I am having a really hard time with his indecisiveness on this issue. It is keeping me stuck in limbo and the Type 3 in me is ready to move on what ever direction that needs to be. Is this indicative of a Type 2? Is there something I can do to help this process?

    Struggling Wife

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  2. Dear Struggling Wife,
    First of all, thanks for sharing your feelings and experience.
    I believe any Type can have a tendency for addiction, but the way we play out our addiction will be influenced by our Type.
    The fact that your husband kept his addiction hidden for so long is very much Type 2/4 behavior. It is very common for Type 2's to keep their feelings hidden and not share their inner thoughts. Out of any of the Types, Type 2's feel the least motivated to share their feelings publicly for a few reasons- a few being: their voice is the softest of all the Types ("everyone else can say it better" belief), or "I won't be heard." or they just don't know quite how to share, so they keep thinking it over and over and over then the time has passed for sharing. Another reason would be that Type 2's are emotional and sometimes sharing our inner most thoughts can bring these emotions to the fore front which can be embarrassing for us - what if we start crying?!
    I would encourage you to listen to Carol's most recent radio show - All Things Type 2. http://thecarolblog.com/radio-show/live-your-truth-radio-show-october-11-2010
    We talked about this tendency for not sharing feelings and how a Type 3 or Type 1 can get a Type 2 to share.

    With him being so busy he probably feels a bit overwhelmed and has been ignoring his need to connect with you on a day to day basis and therefore has become confused about what he wants. When a Type 2 doesn't live true to themselves we get in our heads and confuse ourselves about the little things.

    I know that if I go a day without connecting with my husband (really sitting down and talking face to face - even if just for a few minutes) I will get agitated and frustrated not knowing way.

    With a secondary 4, he has probably tried to stuff his emotions thinking that is stupid or he won't be heard, or his feelings really don't matter. But all that is doing is making him hurt more.

    I can understand how as a Type 1/3 you are ready to just get out and move on. You probably feel like you are walking in deep mud at times.
    I would encourage you to instigate the "Talking Time" which is mentioned on the radio show and also to take time to connect each day. It may be awkward at first, but this will create a time of sharing and listening, where you can both be honest about your feelings.

    You could also ask Carol this question here http://thecarolblog.com/ask-carol. She will answer it on her blog. You can still keep your name anonymous.

    I hope this is helpful.

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  3. Thank you, Anne, for your blog. I love to know I'm not the only one who thinks that way. Often I'll think about the past and how it connects to the present, and then to the future (whether it be true or not) and then I lived as if it has already happened. :) Thank you for your suggestions.

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  4. Anne,

    Thank you for your attention to my question and kind words. I appreciate the time and detail you put in to answering my question. It does help and gives me more insight into what might be going in his mind. I will take your advice and see how things progress. Thank you for all your hard work it truly is a privilege to know you and your mom.

    Thank you,
    Struggling Wife

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  5. Hey Anne, thanks for sharing! It was really good to read your insight about making assumptions. I have been guilty of that and have been trying to discern when I'm being intuitively guided versus making an incorrect assumption. I know that particular strength can definitely be a weakness. Also, it was good to be reminded that we Type 2s often take more time to heal from hurts. I have been trying to "get over" something for the last couple of months. I was so impatient with myself and hard on myself for not "getting over it" sooner. I realize that I need to honor my feelings while at the same time not becoming stuck in them. All good things to be aware of. Thanks for the info and keep up the blogging!

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  6. Anne, I'm so glad you are Carol's daughter. I've loved watching you on the videos and just glorying in how beautiful you are in the type. When I first started looking into the information I was thinking gosh none of the type 2's actually look significantly different other than their facial glow. (I've since come to realize the glow probably makes the biggest difference but I digress) anyway, their styles definitely didn't appeal to me. While I liked them in general I did not love most of them they just weren't really me. It wasn't until I started seeing you in the videos and your elegance and choice of styles that is much more to my tastes and liking than some of the other 2s on the site that I started connecting with my type 2 nature. I started to feel like maybe I could be a 2 and still love myself because I started to see more of my own tastes and liking in your style.

    all of this is beside the point and a side conversation! The real reason I'm commenting is to say thank you for your insights on the crying factor. I realized I have this self-judgement that crying means I'm weak or silly. I blamed it on being a girl (even though nagging in the back of my mind was the thought that there are a lot of girls who do not cry as much as I do)... It's particularly embarrassing at work whenever I'm in a situation where a person in authority is confronting me whether good or bad,.. I'm completely fine with whatever comes of it and finally getting it over with but the anticipation of the outcome of the meeting makes me very uncomfortable. I think because I'm sensing awkwardness from the other person at what's about to be discussed or take place. I don't know I'd have to analyze it more but anyway,... I definitely relate to just needing to cry more and I've also had some personal experiences lately where I've realized that I can't let it go and I'm intensely embarrassed about my action wanting to erase it or disappear and indeed my reaction was to eliminate whatever behavior led to the error. My husband helped me see that the best thing to do was to let it go on that occasion and I realized after the fact that he was exactly right because I did indeed feel so much better about it afterward once I could finally move on and get over the intense pain I was in over the embarrassment and remorse. I'm so grateful for my type 3 hubby and his efforts to help and be sensitive to my needs. Anyway. Love to follow you in Carol's posts and on your blog. Thanks so much for being you and helping me to realize that I love and want to be me!

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  7. lol.. that's not the first time I got an error that my "comment" was too large to post. I'm such a 2.

    just wanted to say please ignore my profile pic! It was a bad hair moment/unfortunate choice in wedding outfits but better in my opinion than my last profile pic. I need to take a new one.

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  8. Anne,

    Reading your blog made me cry... Every time I am watching an old Hands on Event and you and your mom joke about 2s crying I always laugh because I sit at home crying, even the thought makes me cry. It's just my reaction just like you explain in your post. After learning about my Type 2 tendencies I have more fully embraced my emotions. I have always cried when I am happy, sad, or upset, but I have tried to push it away, which NEVER helps. It will either make the emotion grow or I will go numb.

    EVERYTHING that you described is what I do. I am a Type 2 with a secondary 4, and my husband is a Type 4 with a secondary 2. I love this because is explains why his energy was so comfortable for me. Our 1-year anniversary was just on the 10th, and I have found during this first year that I will assume what he is thinking. It's difficult sometimes because I am not always right, and I will go off on something and pretty soon I am regretting that I even opened my mouth in the first place. My husband is a reflective 4, he isn't very bold (I think he tried to suppress it growing up.) But I am sure you have experience with the all of the types and the ways that they react. So my husband will go silent because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings but then we both end up with hurt feelings and it's difficult to get past it. LUCKILY I grew up with a Type 3 mom and a Type 4/3 dad, so I have learned how to get people to respond although it's uncomfortable. Mostly we are great and we understand each other.

    I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you and and everyone you work with. I have accepted myself for who I am and I LOVE myself and the things about me that are not like the other types. You are a huge part of that. I am very grateful.

    Thanks so much:)

    Katie

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  9. Well, you Type 2's have not cornered the market on crying! I am a 4/1, and I cry very easily, usually at happy or touching things, and sometimes when fighting with hubby or feeling bad about my actions/harsh words. My theory is that part of it comes from any emotional triggers of things we did not see/experience in childhood, the things that need to be released of filled up. I cried the other day seeing a dad walking with his daughter, thinking that I don't remember that with my father and how lucky she was (not that it didn't happen, but I don't remember it happening). But I also do the whole routine of beating myself up over and over for mistakes, and resolve to be more careful next time, only to do it again.............

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  10. Anne, thank you for this post. I am a 4/1 (per your profile of my pic), but I thought I was a 2 because of this very issue: crying at every possible tear-jerker moment--a goodbye, a song, a story, a radio report, 9/11--oh, my, I have cried a river over that one! I feel like a freak. 'Any thoughts on the why or what to do about it?

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  11. Becky and Tiffany, as Type 4's perhaps the tendency for crying comes from your ability to go very deep with your emotions. Type 4's can come across as cold and rigid, but once a Type 4 opens up to you, you quickly realize they have a very tender heart and are very sensitive people. I think it goes back to your loyal, deep, and reflective nature.

    So, I think the crying would come from going so deep that you almost feel as if you are the one that lost someone - like in the case of 9/11.

    My thoughts on what to do about it would, a) feel the feelings, don't try to squash them and b) keep things in perspective, be sympathetic, but manage how deep you go in cases when it's not directly effecting you.
    Does that help?

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  12. Dear Struggling Wife,
    My heart goes out to your situation. I know some of the thoughts feelings that might be going through your mind and can understand what you've expressed. I think you might find this website helpful if you are LDS. If you are not LDS there is still some very good information there to help support you as you deal with coming to grips with this in your life. http://combatingpornography.org/cp/eng/ Hopefully you get this message. It's important to take time to heal. It's important to address and recognize your own feelings and allow yourself some time to heal in this process in addition to supporting your husband as he's trying to come to grips with this himself. God bless you as you and your husband continue your journey to heal. He (The Lord) loves you very much.
    Love A Friend.

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  13. I'd been wondering if I really was a type 2, but what you have said here is awesome and sums it up. I'm like you...a type 2. It's nice to know and to have others know that being this way is okay. Thanks for putting your thoughts out there!

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  14. ~ Anne, this is me to a T. I am an assumer. My boyfriend will get so frustrated with me and say "Stop Assuming Things!!!" "Stop assuming that you know what I am thinking." We have been dating for almost 3 years, and in this time, I have tried to make a more conscious effort to stop assuming about silly things. I hate unnecessary drama, but I have found that when I assume things and act based on these assumptions, I create the unnecessary drama that I hate. It has been difficult for me because my natural tendency is to assume everything. I am trying to use my assuming tendencies for good things.

    ~ I am a crier. And I hated it too. I shared a similar post on the Type Two Facebook forum a few days ago. I always wanted to be a tough, strong, and independent woman like so many of the women in my family are. I always viewed crying as a weakness. If I wanted to be a strong woman, then I couldn't cry. I would talk down to myself and belittle myself when I would feel the urge to cry. I would keep myself from showing emotion or even affection because I knew my tendency to get attached to people and things. And I knew that if I showed emotion or affection, I would get close to them. And if they left me or I had to leave them, I would get too sad and cry. I wanted to avoid that all together so I would just show no emotion. But now, I am a little older and wiser, so my feelings have changed. I do not feel the need to stay shut down. I love embracing my attachment to people and things, and I love being affectionate. And I even love crying. :-) After a stressful day, I will turn on a movie that will make me cry and then let it all out! I feel so great afterwards. I feel at peace when my emotions are released.

    ~ I can totally relate to what you said about having a hard time forgiving yourself. I have such a difficult time letting go when I hurt someone's feelings, assume I have hurt them, or do something that is inappropriate. I am hard on myself, and I apologize profusely. My boyfriend gets so angry with me when I say "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. I am so sorry." He snaps "Stop apologizing so much! It's fine!" I think to give me a taste of what I was dishing out, he started doing it back to me. I told him to stop because mine comes from a genuine place. And I really mean that I am sorry. :-) But it was a good lesson for me. I realized that it was a bit excessive. While I still do it occasionally, I have cut back on my string of apologies.

    ~ I wanted to send a huge thank you out to you your Mother, you, and the entire DYT family for all of your amazing support. After lots of deliberation, note taking, and questions, (and some not-so-subtle pushing from my boy friend), I came to accept my Type Two-ness. I knew I wasn't a 3 (I am the opposite of pushy or assertive). I was left with 1, 2, or 4. I hate the clean lines and structure of the Type 4. That left 1 or 2. I have a lot of Type 1 in me and my face has Type 1 features, but I lead with a lot of Type 2 in everything. I also noticed that I do like being social but only for a little while and only in small groups. After a night out, I need time to relax. I need to just curl up in some comfy pj's on the couch and relax. I also don't like huge groups. I am much more comfortable in small groups. :-) Anyway, thank you so much for helping me validate who I am as a woman. Thank you for all of your hard work and dedication to DYT. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

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  15. Hi Anne,
    A couple of years later and this post is still effecting people:) I am in counseling. My therapist is helping me to learn boundaries and that it's okay to express emotions after years suppressing them because of abuse. I am so blessed to be what God has made me to be (sensitive, calm, feeling empathy), it's just that the world around me didn't see it. Neither did I. I am thankful for your voice and the voice of other people like us who speak out about what they were created for.

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  16. Hi Anne,
    How would you think a "typical T2" little girl (with possible T4 secondary) would be as an adult who grew up with a father and siblings who exhibited the worst, most negative traits of T3 & T4 energies? If that little T2 girl only had her T1/T2 mom on her side, yet her mom had to be working too much to physically be there much for her daughter, and was in denial of how detrimental her sensitive little girl's environment was (and witnessed it too, but was too meek to do much about it)? How would you assume that T2 little girl grew up to be?
    Thank you so much for your time and all you do. God Bless.

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  17. I'm so confused Anne! I hope I can get an answer from you, this whole process has become frustrating. When I first listened to the types, it made sense that I could be a type 2. I'm more quiet, I'm known for being very kind; I love making the best of being with people, but admittedly I'm just great being alone a lot! So type 2 makes sense. There are other factors that made me strongly question it, but I thought overall it made sense. Then I guess maybe its because everyone so quickly agreed... but I stopped liking the idea- lol. "Yes, yes, type 2- you have to be a type 2!" It bugged me. They didn't know too much about it. I'm not JUST quiet guys!! There's more to this! I don't feel like I can relate to planning things... spur of the moment works great. Comfort? It never seemed a priority. I don't cry very much at all- except when I'm tired. Details... maybe I'm just not familiar with what this really means. I don't feel like a victim ever- except when I get what I call a "thought cycle" where I keep thinking something over....and over... till I've convinced myself of it. Until I've convinced myself that I'm not being treated right. But I DO relate to typing loooong comments ;)
    and day dreaming, slipping into the future; really pondering the true meaning of things. Worrying over little things especially pertaining to relationships. Again, known for being kind.
    ...My purse doesn't look like a type 2- Hahaha, I'm not so careful and organized. But maybe that'll change when I'm older! I'm 15. My moms pretty much convinced I'm a 2-1. I could accept that... I did not however relate to that type 2-1 on the 2-1 1-2 video carol did. I'll make it easy... could you describe a 2-1 teenager? Several versions? I was described as quiet but always smiling when I was little. i have no idea if any of what I've said is a total "Ooooh! I know what you are!!! Let me help you!!!" haha... but any further incites would be sooo helpful. ...Could I send you a video of myself? Could you analyze me? Pleeeeease? It would smooth over so many teenager problems and worries!
    -Always Thinking.

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    Replies
    1. Hi "Always Thinking"
      Have you checked out the resources listed on this page? http://dressingyourtruth.com/whatsmytype/

      I hope you find those helpful!

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